|vivien : May 03, 2001|
Once I had a dog-named Ma-Chian, I gave her the name even before I met her.
I saw her on the highway where I was on the way home after playing "Ma-Chian" with friends in Nie-Hu (one of the east towns of Taipei). She was tiny but the meanest, most violent dog I've ever seen. Not only showing me her teeth, she also tried so hard to jump up in order to bite me. After half-an-hour fighting with her, maybe she knew what I was trying to do, she miraculous tamed into a gentle, obedient little one when I put on the chain fro her and got her into my car. At that time, I realized that must be her self-defense after all those traumas she'd been through before.
Even since the beginning, I never thought about keeping her, I was only thinking of rescuing her away from the highway, bringing her home and giving her a nice bath, then finding a family for her later. Then little by little, she moved into my house, even at that time, I was still thinking about sending her away.
A month later, my other dog "Vivi" passed away, I didn't say much to anybody but I knew in my heart that I always thought that Ma-Chian was the unlucky one and blamed on her for Viv's death. After Vivi was gone, Ma-Chian soon became the "Dog-King" (or you could use "alpha dog") since she was the meanest, toughest dog in the whole family, even though she was the most skinny, tiny one.
Every time while she was having her meals, other dogs were not allowed to eat with her, even attacked all other dogs in order to eat their foods first, after that she would come back and enjoyed her own meal. Whenever she was around, I was not able to pat any other dog just because other. So many times she could bark all night long just because of a little noise. When they had group fights, Ma-Chian was the only one would bite everybody including me, and she was also the only dog I've ever trained was tougher than I was. She was sensitive, sharp, trying so hard to please me, closely attached to me and always focus on me. At the same time, she was also extremely insecure, selfish, offensive and easily jealous. She has the typical double personalities which can make you not only love her so much but also hate her to death. If it's possible, I really wish that Ma-China's eyes could become a video player showing me exactly what she'd been through before could make such little, tiny and under-5kg dog become so aggressive.
Slowly, I started to learn how to communicate with her. Ever since then, whenever she made a mistake, I tried to teach and talk to her instead of yelling or beating her like before. Surprisingly, she looked at me and listened to me with blinking eyes like she totally understood what I was trying to tell her. More and more she realized how to survive in the family. Instead of peeing everywhere, she learned to hold till go out and pee on certain spots. She was also the only dog that waited and walked with me every time I opened the door. During every single connection and movement between us, I started to like her and final no longer blamed on her for Vivi's death.
Just one week before Ma-Chian passed away, she disappeared one night, I was so worried and looking all over the neighborhood, and hour later, I saw her walking sadly, slowly and exhaustedly across the street. I didn't call her right away, just walked over to her quietly and hugged her, and I could feel her heart bumping so fast. After we got home, she was so quiet, just lay down there without eating anything. Suddenly I could feel her, she must thought that I was trying to abandon her just like her previous family. At that moment, I decided to tell her loud an clear--
"I will never let you go, even one day somebody want to adopt you, you are still my dog and you are always be my baby Ma-Chian".
One day before she died which was also Viv's Memorial Day, I went out and planned to buy some Vivi's favorite food and gave her a ceremony, there was a car almost ran over me. Even till today I still don't know if it had anything to do with Ma-chian's death since she was ran over by a motorcycle the next day. After the accident happened, she didn't move at all and I quickly ran to be next to her...
The first time she was so quiet...
I couldn't tell when did she leave because she didn't want to close her eyes, even till the end, she still didn't close her eyes, just like a jumpy kid who didn't waht to go to bed to sleep. And all I could do was brushing her hairs around her eyes with my fingers...
I always wonder if it's some kind of destiny between Ma-china and me. If it's true that she came to ask me to pay attention on her in order to help me recovering from the most painful period of time of losing Vivi. Once I recover, then it's time for her to leave. Was that God's arrangement? In my whole life, I always believe that each dog I met would teach me a lesson. Maybe God just lend Ma-Chian to me for a while, maybe that day on that crowded highway, she was about to leave and I was lucky to see her. Maybe...
I didn't tell anybody the truth, all I said was that she'd been adopted, but I know in my heart that this time God adopted her. Although I don't agree with HIS decision, if this is stray dog's destiny, I think that it will be the best ending for Ma-Chian because God will never abandon her.
It's better for her even thought I still miss her a lot... miss that mean dog named "Ma-China"...
translated by mimi