I took this off a list that I am on, and thought that you might like to read it.
I'm sorry, but it is very long. Someone in North America, who works as a volunteer at an SPCA, or a pound wrote this.

TO ALL RESCUERS - SOUND FAMILIAR?

Hello: You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts
Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have
been
receiving, please listen closely to the following
options and choose the one that best describes
you or
your situation:

Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and
want
free medical advice.

Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization
but
want to save money and have us give you free,
untrained medical advice anyway.

Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still
want us
to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard (house).

Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your
15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and
you
need to find the dog a new home right away.

Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and
want to
get rid of your dogs because you are the only
person
in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same
time.

Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but
you
need the money for your vacation.

Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and
your old
dog is having problems adjusting so you want to
get
rid of the old one right away.

Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is
no
longer small and cute and you want to trade it in
for
a new model.

Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a
cute
puppy who is not active and is going to outlive
you.

Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't
want
to care for their elderly dog because it doesn't
fit
your lifestyle.

Press 11 if you are moving today and need to
immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old,
unneutured, agressiveÊdog.

Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come
to
your home today and pick up the dog you no longer
want.

Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for
a
"stray" for the last three years, are moving and
suddenly determine it's not your dog.

Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make
sure you
wake me up before I have to go to work so you can
drop
a dog off on your way to work.

Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled
message,
letting us know you have left a dog in our yard
in the
middle of January, which is in fact, better than
just
leaving the dog with no message.

Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we
are
not going to take your dog that you have had for
fifteen years, because it is not our
responsibility.

Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take
your ten
year old dog to be euthanized because we can't
get to
your house in the next hour.

Press 18 if you're going to get angry because the
volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and
leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer who
is
not authorized to take your personal pet.

Press 19 if you want one of our perfectly
trained,
housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred tiny
dogs
that we have an abundance of.

Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has
a
slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a
few
people and killed your neighbor's cats.

Press 21 if you have already called once and been
told
we don't take personal surrenders but thought you
would get a different person this time with a
different answer.

Press 22 if you want us to use space that would
go to
a stray to board your personal dog while you are
on
vacation, free of charge, of course.

Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning
and
you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to
your
house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.

Press 24 if you have bought your children a
duckling,
chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is now
Christmas
and no longer cute.

Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog
who
has already had ten litters, but we can't spay
her
because she is pregnant again and it is against
your
religion.

Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our
younger
volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet
off
your hands.

Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the
litter box because it is declawed, but are not
willing
to accept the responsibility that the cat's
behavior
is altered because of your nice furniture.

Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking
all
over your house but you just haven't gotten
around to
having him neutered.

Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only
dog and
are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.

Press 30 if you have done "everything" to
housebreak
your dog and have had no success but you don't
want to
crate the dog because it is cruel.

Press 31 if you didn't listen to the message
asking
for an evening phone number and you left your
work
number when all volunteers are also working and
you
are angry because no one called you back.

Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and
cannot
wait because today is your daughter's birthday
and you
forgot when she was born.

Press 33 if your dog's coat doesn't match your
new
furniture and you need a different color or
breed.

Press 34 if your new love doesn't like your dog
and
you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend
(who
will dump you in the next month anyway) instead
of the
dog.

Press 35 if you went through all these 'presses'
and
didn't hear enough.
This press will connect you to the sounds of
tears
being shed by one of our volunteers who is
holding a
discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees
him
from of the grief of missing his family.

WE SALUTE YOU RESCUERS AND VOLUNTEERS!!!

Author Unkown

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